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Monday, December 15, 2008
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virgin no more!
well.. that is a disney virgin..and im speaking of Kristin Overzet. Wednesday the lovely and much adore kristin will grace jacksonville florida once more and we're heading straight down to O-Town to celebrate my 25th birthday. Disney on Thursday, Seaworld on Friday and A Night of Mayhem on Saturday.. :) its going to be glorious and memorable. :)
Saturday, December 13, 2008 | |
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does anyone ever read these anymore.. or anyone elses for that matter? its 3:40 am and all i can think of is how heartbreaking people are. men, women, boys girls.. parents mentors.. pastors. bartenders.. i mean.. they are all human but with a given title. for instance my title is daughter to my mother. and so forth. people suck. since the honor academy.. i've had the joy and pain of having 6 close girlfriends in jacksonville. 1 which.. well, she was a trial and error kind of friend. Lora- basically we met when her boyfriend deployed and then became super close.. and when her man got back from deployment she basically treated me as if i was never alive. got married and moved on. whatever. then 3 of them L. N. and A. . i'd say the 3 that really helped me grow back into the Lord and love Him and we always went everywhere together. church.. movies.. there were times i'd remember getting at call at 2 am and rushing to her house w/ chocolate and tissues. or sitting outside starbucks while we all laugh.. and cry.. and talk about God. basically it boiled down to 2 of them got married w/in 6 months time and had babies.. both- b/c they got pregnant out of wedlock. and then.. life moves on. now wait. before you think. ."oh hollyrae, life changes after marriage" i understand that. but do you think its right to go months w/out as much as a phone call.. or email.. especially when i was the one sitting on your porch at 2am telling you its going to be ok. God is in control and He does love you.. i get it. friends are of seasons.. right.. but im begining to notice a pattern here.. the one who didnt get married was off in her own world and began hanging out w/ people who i didnt really want to associate myself with. we still talk now and then.. and get coffee.. but thats the extent of our relationship. then there was S. God love her she's been through hell and back. and i understand that.. but.. well.. im not gonna say anymore about it other than once again.. i played the loyality card like a freaking dog.. and in the end.. well.. it hasnt "ended" so to say.. but she's pretty much made it very clear that our friendship doesnt mean crap to her. she's got other new and important things going on in her life. i wish her nothing but the best.. but after all this time has passed.. when she finally contact me again i honestly felt as if i had nothing to say to her.. soo.. ceste la vie. anyway- i guess what im saying is.. im just really tired of being shitted on. im really tired of being that loyal, "i dont care what time of the morning it is.. call me" ...or.. "im coming over... with the chocolates.. and my bible, dont worry.. we'll get through this" i guess im just frustrated.. b/c the only person in my life.. even out of all the HA people (wait. side note: H.A. relationships are a joke. honestly? i've never been more hurt or more judged by some of the people in my class.. you think your better? you think you've got your act together just b/c - no.. im not going there. i'll leave it at that. sure.. i've had 5 girlfriends come out of the HA that lasted.. but everything else was a joke. ) out of everyone i know.. theres only one person who asks me how my day was. or.. "hey hows your brother.. i care about him b/c he's your brother and i know how much he means to you" the only person i can call at 3 am bawling my face off to the point that under my eyes are raw b/c of the swiping of tears. and for her.. i am thankful above all measure. and i am truely blessed and i love her more than some of my family. but there is one downfall to our relationship. i cant go to her house when she needs me. i cant meet her for coffee on saturday night.. i cant hug her and laugh with her and go for midnight walks on the beach.. distance is a bitch. but its sad to think- when i call someone i think i can count on.. and they reply with. "oh hollyrae.. you've got tons of friends".. thats backwards.. alot of people have me as a friend. but theres not many .. i can pour my soul to anymore. and this.. saddens me. Friday, October 24, 2008 | |
Don't Forget.. Wednesday, October 22, 2008 | |
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my thoughts are long.. but i pray you gain.  Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family -Proverbs 18:24 nothing is what it seems. nothing. except God. HE is the only truth in the world. HE is the only constant. only HE can bring joy and end suffereing and pain. HE holds the only judgement on my life. HIM and Him alone understands the thoughts of my head and the yearnings of my heart.. this character if you will that i portray in life. understanding everything is too great for our simple human minds to comprehend INDEED! we are but blessed dancers on a stage called life with an audience of ONE. the only ONE that truely matters. why is our vision blurred? why do we continue to fill our lives with questions of why.. and what for.. and why not?! WHY CANT WE COMFORTABLY ACCEPT THAT WE ARE CLAY?! because comfort insn't for us to experience. why should we be comfortable? why should we accept the basic standard of life. whatever happened to looking through eyes not of our own? looking through the eyes of the ONE who truely cares.. truely loves.. unconditionally, uncorruptably and constantly.. why are we wearing blinders.. can we not see eternity? does any of this matter in the end? WILL THERE BE SELFISH DRAMATICS IN ETERNITY? there is a time for everything. i believe that. but why are we waisting away with pointlessness. im going to let go and walk away.. i refuse to play small in a world where i was created to play a bigger role. to dream bigger dreams.. get on with your life. and i'll get on with mine. but i.. i will not let my dust settle.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8(The Message) There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time for birth and another for death, to plant and another to reap, to kill and another to heal, to destroy and another to construct, to cry and another to laugh, to lament and another to cheer, to make love and another to abstain, to embrace and another to part, to search and another to count your losses, to hold on and another to let go, to rip out and another to mend, to shut up and another to speak up, to love and another to hate, to wage war and another to make peace. Tuesday, August 05, 2008 | |
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