well.. that is a disney virgin..and im speaking of Kristin Overzet. Wednesday the lovely and much adore kristin will grace jacksonville florida once more and we’re heading straight down to O-Town to celebrate my 25th birthday. Disney on Thursday, Seaworld on Friday and A Night of Mayhem on Saturday..

its going to be glorious and memorable.

(hollyrae & kristin, spring break 08

does anyone ever read these anymore.. or anyone elses for that matter? its 3:40 am and all i can think of is how heartbreaking people are. men, women, boys girls.. parents mentors.. pastors. bartenders.. i mean.. they are all human but with a given title. for instance my title is daughter to my mother. and so forth.

people suck. since the honor academy.. i’ve had the joy and pain of having 6 close girlfriends in jacksonville. 1 which.. well, she was a trial and error kind of friend. Lora- basically we met when her boyfriend deployed and then became super close.. and when her man got back from deployment she basically treated me as if i was never alive. got married and moved on. whatever.

then 3 of them L. N. and A. . i’d say the 3 that really helped me grow back into the Lord and love Him and we always went everywhere together. church.. movies.. there were times i’d remember getting at call at 2 am and rushing to her house w/ chocolate and tissues. or sitting outside starbucks while we all laugh.. and cry.. and talk about God. basically it boiled down to 2 of them got married w/in 6 months time and had babies.. both- b/c they got pregnant out of wedlock. and then.. life moves on. now wait. before you think. .”oh hollyrae, life changes after marriage” i understand that. but do you think its right to go months w/out as much as a phone call.. or email.. especially when i was the one sitting on your porch at 2am telling you its going to be ok. God is in control and He does love you..  i get it. friends are of seasons.. right.. but im begining to notice a pattern here.. the one who didnt get married was off in her own world and began hanging out w/ people who i didnt really want to associate myself with. we still talk now and then.. and get coffee.. but thats the extent of our relationship.

then there was S. God love her she’s been through hell and back. and i understand that.. but.. well.. im not gonna say anymore about it other than once again.. i played the loyality card like a freaking dog.. and in the end.. well.. it hasnt “ended” so to say.. but she’s pretty much made it very clear that our friendship doesnt mean crap to her. she’s got other new and important things going on in her life. i wish her nothing but the best.. but after all this time has passed.. when she finally contact me again i honestly felt as if i had nothing to say to her.. soo.. ceste la vie.

anyway- i guess what im saying is.. im just really tired of being shitted on. im really tired of being that loyal, “i dont care what time of the morning it is.. call me” …or.. “im coming over… with the chocolates.. and my bible, dont worry.. we’ll get through this”  i guess im just frustrated.. b/c the only person in my life.. even out of all the HA people (wait. side note: H.A. relationships are a joke. honestly? i’ve never been more hurt or more judged by some of the people in my class.. you think your better? you think you’ve got your act together just b/c – no.. im not going there. i’ll leave it at that. sure.. i’ve had 5 girlfriends come out of the HA that lasted.. but everything else was a joke. ) out of everyone i know.. theres only one person who asks me how my day was. or.. “hey hows your brother.. i care about him b/c he’s your brother and i know how much he means to you” the only person i can call at 3 am bawling my face off to the point that under my eyes are raw b/c of the swiping of tears. and for her.. i am thankful above all measure. and i am truely blessed and i love her more than some of my family. but there is one downfall to our relationship. i cant go to her house when she needs me. i cant meet her for coffee on saturday night.. i cant hug her and laugh with her and go for midnight walks on the beach.. distance is a bitch.

but its sad to think- when i call someone i think i can count on.. and they reply with.  “oh hollyrae.. you’ve got tons of friends”.. thats backwards.. alot of people have me as a friend. but theres not many .. i can pour my soul to anymore. and this.. saddens me.