January 19, 2008

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  why is it.. i know in my head.. i know i know i know.. i really do.. i know in my head. but why is it that i can literally know in my head.. but my heart is still running back to you?
  i remember the pain.. the tears.. the confrontation.. the fights... the arguements..
  i remember the not eating.. the crying myself to sleep.. i remember the final blow to my heart..
  i remember starting the healing process.. i remember.. it took me almost 2 years to get over you. to forgive you.. to accept that you were no longer going to be apart of my life.. to accept that God had bigger things for me.. better things..  i've cried more tears over you than probably any woman i know.. and yet in my head i know your all wrong.. but my heart.. it still longs for you.. it still wonders.. and replays the memories.. my tears still flow..

  
  

  and then you email me ...

  
  

  "i started thinkin of you again. and wondering.... then i got you out of my head and start to make plans, and here you are again, beautiful as ever."

  
  

  "we will always be the type of friends that can call on each other, but i still have pretty strong feelings for you."

  
  

  "i love you hollyrae, and i will always love you."

  
  

  what am i supposed to do with this? my head.. my brain my mind .. in my head i know your all wrong.. but my heart still desires.. my heart still leaps into my chest and i loose my breath and i get butterflys in my stomache and my hands start to shake. what have you done to me? i've tried to date. i've tried to get close to other guys.. you warped me. i'll never be the same.. and now.. even when i thought i was begining to get my crap together.. you happen. and once again im at a loss.. i dont know what to do. i didnt think i could cry anymore tears.. but damnit todd.. i was wrong.

  
  

   

  • 7:34 pm
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